Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
