Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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