I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
