3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i think i have herpe
just one?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
