Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize