I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
