I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
