i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
