we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
