LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
