The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
