Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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