How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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