OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
