I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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