Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
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