I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
