i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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