Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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