If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Found the puke drawer
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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