Porn is love you can see.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
