then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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