I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
