God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
