i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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