I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
