you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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