I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
