when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
