There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
