I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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