the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
