She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize