when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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