you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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