I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
