i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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