I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
