It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize
