I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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