I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
