On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
