I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
We need to get me chipped asap
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
