Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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