But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize