Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
be right there i have to get my cape
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
