why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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