Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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