I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize