He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
