Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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