am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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