Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
