i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
