he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
