I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
