Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
