im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
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