Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
