so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
