Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
you inspire me to be a worse person
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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