i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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