My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
