that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
