There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
