I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
