I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
