All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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