Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
