we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
