theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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