Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
