My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
