I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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