Where did you get a picture of my penis
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
