are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize