I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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