I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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