So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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