I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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