I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
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