just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
