did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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