I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
