After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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