Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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