So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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