This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
