I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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