Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
