You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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