No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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