May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
