Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
