I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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