areolas are like halos for boobs.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
