First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
