Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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