You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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