we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
