Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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